It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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