Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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