I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
only you would photoshop your dick
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
