I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
