Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
