When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
