I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
