Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
