I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
