I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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