i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
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Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
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We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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