We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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