I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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