Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
