happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
