my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
