you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
