your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
