thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
