Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
