She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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