i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
