im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
