now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
