Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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