Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
