Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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