omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
