Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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