I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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