what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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