Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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