my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
