yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
