I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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