My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
