I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
