There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
