my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
