so that wasnt chicken after all
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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