just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The uberlube is also flammable
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
