yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
