So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
COCAINE IS GR8
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