is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
