And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
