Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
