Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
