guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
