Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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