There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
