yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
