Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The uberlube is also flammable
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
