i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
