sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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