life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
