so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
