Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
