you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
