i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just want nice things and good sex
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
