drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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