Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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