Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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