Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
