I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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