Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
