between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
