please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
