i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
