You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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