I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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