My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
